I work in a collaborative classroom. That means two teachers. One of them is me. The other is somebody else. We get along well and seem to genuinely like each other. It's a pretty good deal. For example, we rarely take home papers to grade because we split up the work. And our posters are out-of-control-awesome because we split up the work. Splitting up the work is a great time saver and poster-making strategy. That's one thing I've learned during my 3rd year of teaching.
Apparently, the administration has noticed that we work well together as they've assigned us to move up to a 5th Grade Integrated Collaborative Teaching classroom next year. Cool. I bet we'll continue splitting up the work and saving time and making awesome posters. Well, it's not next year yet. It's still this year. And the school year is finally winding down. Even though it's been a breeze compared to my previous years, who doesn't love summer vacation? Okay, I can name a few people who don't love summer vacation but they seem pretty lonely and slightly depressed, over all.
As a part of the school year finally winding down, my students had to complete their Final Writing Assessment so that we can judge their growth or decline or stagnation. Their task: "What, in your opinion, makes an excellent teacher? Write a description of a teacher you have had who you think was excellent and explain why. Also, include an example from your life, or from a book or a film, that supports your opinion what about what makes a teacher excellent. Do not use the teacher's name. Be sure to use proper grammar and mechanics as well as clear and specific language."
We got back a number of pretty typical responses. "An excellent teacher is kind." "A great teacher takes their time to teach each student how that student learns best." "I once had a great teacher because she was very patient." "My teachers are funny and stylish and classy and friendly and excellent dancers." Preach it, kid! About seven or eight papers in, I came across a student, let's call him Ezekiel, who decided to use this writing task to out me as a liar:
"I have one teacher who I like and another who I do not like. The teacher I like is no [sic] funny and I like her because she tells the truth and didn't lie. She explains things in clear [sic] and communicative way and she didn't lie about going to Magascar [sic]. I only listen to this teacher and I don't listen to the other teacher who lie [sic] about going to Magascar when she didn't go."
I've recently been talking a lot about the sovereign nation of Madagascar. I've been talking about it quite frequently, actually, as I model finding inspiration for our poetry unit. Modeling goes like this: "We are going to write haikus based on places that we've been. Think of a place you have been that brings back a vivid memory. That means it's full of details. What do you see? What do you smell? Hear? Taste? Feel? I'm thinking about the marketplace in Madagascar. I see the long steps that lead down to Analakely; that's the name of the market place. I smell vanilla and pineapples and even garbage! I hear ladies bartering; that means excitedly discussing the price of an item. I taste the sweet, tangy pineapple. I feel the heat from the scorching sun. You need to be detailed when writing poetry so you must be detailed when remembering a place that is going to inspire a poem. I remember this place very well because I went there almost every day for two months."
At least, this is what I told the kids. But Ezekiel saw right through me. I'm a freakin' liar!! I only told them that because they love that movie, "Madagascar," where Chris Rock plays a rambunctious zebra next to Ben Stiller's cocky lion. You've gotta get kids anyway you can. I goad them with lies and bribe them with candy and recess. We only spend about 3 hours a day in the classroom because we're always heading outside to run wild on Candy and Recess bribes. I'm like, "Please, just write this poem and I'll give you candy and recess! Hey, I've been to Madagascar! Does that impress you?! I met King Julian, the lemur! He's been captured and has lost a lot of his pep. It's a sad story. If I tell you about it will you please just do your work so I can get a high teacher rating and a monetary bonus! Bloomberg! Four more years! Four more years!"
Good eye, Ezekiel. Good eye.
The truly beautiful thing about this whole incident is that this kid is often biting other kids in the face... and then lying about it. I guess that old adage is right: it takes one to know one.
